POLITICS

Eric Trump: “A Good Man Will Always Try Not To Pay His Taxes So He Could Have More Money For Charity”

Donald Trump may have been able to pay no federal income tax for more than a decade, according to a leaked partial tax return obtained by the New York Times. Sections of the 1995 tax return sent anonymously through the mail and confirmed by Trump’s personal accountant show that Trump’s losses in Atlantic City casino projects, a Trump airline and the Plaza Hotel in New York were a staggering $916 million. Under normal IRS rules, those losses can be used to offset any future amount owed, but because the amount of the loss was so high Trump may have continued to avoid any tax liabilities for years.

Fellow businessman and the Republican presidential candidate’s son Eric Trump commented on the controversy published by the Times and said that it was his father’s “duty” not to pay any more tax than legally required. “Let me remind you for a moment that you’re talking here about a highly-skilled businessman who has managed to build an empire with his own two hands,” Eric told the New York Times. “And I would urge you to pay closer attention to who you’re trying to accuse of financial crime because my father is so rich he could buy the entire IRS building, complete with all of the employees’ clothes, underwear, right down to their braces and tooth fillings.”

After attempting to sound threatening, but coming off as no more intimidating than an Easter bunny, Trump’s businessman son argued that his father never attempted to commit tax evasion, but “even if he had, he would have certainly done it for a damn good reason.” “Let me tell you a thing about Donald Trump,” he said. “Actually, let me start by saying that it is an unwritten rule and a solemn duty that every good man who can afford to do so should always try to not pay his taxes for one reason and one reason only. And that is so he could have more money left to give to charity. Because, the old rule is that those that have little are better off than those that have nothing.”

Donald and Ivana’s second son also said that paying taxes is “just as important as any other civic duty,” but at the end of the day, “it’s more important to help those who are in need than to obey the law.” “What’s going to happen if somebody who’s rich doesn’t pay their taxes? Okay, sure, the average person is going to think that they’re doing it so they could buy another private jet or something, I get that. But, that’s not how things work with rich people, and it’s most certainly not how things work with my dad,” Eric argued. “Giving money to charity has always been my dad’s thing, and I’m proud of him for it.”

“Besides,” the Trump patriarch’s second son added, “he’s a smart man and a smart investor. He always tends to invest in businesses with a high rate of return. And it’s not like it’s his fault everybody hates him and no charity other than his own is willing to accept his money.”

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